As I lay here on my couch during my recovery period, it dawned on me that all I could think about prior to this last operation was all the things that I want to do that I couldn’t do with my WPW. Little things like going to the gym, losing weight, riding rides at the carnival, jumping on a trampoline, swimming, running outside with my kids or even drinking as much caffeine as I want. Nothing is wrong with wanting those things right? But those things were just not possible for me to do because of my lack of energy, ablations, medications, chest tightness, dizziness, and constant heart racing.
It’s amazing because when we’re younger we don’t think anything will ever happen to us. We feel invisible to all injuries and illnesses because it always happened to other people but never you. Not that we ever wished any harm or illness on others but it just always happened that you never got any major life changing events happen to you, until now of course. Now all you can think of is why me? And no matter how many times you try to rationalize and find a good enough answer, you always come up empty.
The fact of the matter is, only time will tell if I will ever be able to do any of those things again, even after this last operation. The heart takes about a year to completely heal so even if it disappears there is always a chance of it coming back. My heart has already broken every rule that the doctor said it wouldn’t do. What I need to do is come to terms and accept that even if Operation get rid of WPW doesn’t work (they say that the third time is the charm but I really don’t get that saying. I prefer second time because three times mean that they messed up twice and twice is just too many in my eyes) I will always have a heart condition and will probably never be able to do the things that I want to do. But that shouldn’t mean that I can’t be happy. I can still do things as long as I know my limit. So why is it still so hard to accept this fact even after a year has gone by?
The mind is a wonderous thing.